Paint Day #2: In Which I’m Vulnerable

I’ve had a couple of visitors in the last few days and they’ve seen the transformation of my blank canvas. Art, like writing, makes me feel vulnerable, like standing on the front lawn in my underwear.

I don’t expect, or want, people to pat me on the back or shower me with compliments. That would be awkward. But something in me looks for validation of some kind. I’m not sure what.

Without realizing it, I brace myself for the response. I find myself preparing for the let down — theirs, mine, maybe both.

“I know you don’t like this type of painting,” I say before showing it to my in-laws. They would have nothing but encouraging things to say because that’s just the kind of people they are. But just knowing they prefer traditional painting, I feel like I need to explain myself.

“It’s not your kind of painting,” I say to my good friend, Magda, who paints traditional landscapes. Magda and I understand each other, but even with her I feel a need to explain.

It’s not logical, and I’m determined to push back by posting my works in progress for the world to see.

acrylic paint on canvas

What makes you feel vulnerable? What do you do to overcome your fear?

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Comments

  1. BossyLilSister says

    That is interesting how we do things like that, without realizing it. Public speaking is where I feel most vulnerable, however, I can’t say I practice overcoming this fear with any regularity. I deal with it best by only doing it on the fly. “Preparing” for it, while that is what is often touted as the way to lessen one’s anxiety, is 50 times worse!
    Your painting looks great!! :)

    • says

      Yes, sometimes the best thing is to jump first, think later. Is that why some people (not naming any names) feel the best preparation is no preparation? As always, thanks for giving me insight into how the other side lives.

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